horseflies of unusual size? i don’t believe they exist.

it really drives me insane the way people view phobias. the common ones like acrophobia (fear of heights) and agoraphobia (fear of open spaces) are accepted–albeit grudgingly–because so many people have them. however, other phobias, such as entomophobia (fear of insects) and thalassophobia (fear of the ocean), are looked down upon by “normal” people because they’re “silly.” this is something that has long irritated me, but i am writing about it today because of an experience i had last night.

i had finally convinced myself to get off msn and go to sleep, around midnight, when i heard a  horrifying buzzing sound. okay, now i know that normally, buzzing sounds aren’t exactly horrifying. but when you have lived your whole life with entomophobia, you know which buzzing sounds are bugs, and hence, which ones to fear. this was the kind to fear.

so i jumped out of bed, snapped the light on, and scrambled out of the room to get my mother. naturally, she wasn’t too happy to be woken up over something as “stupid” as me having a crisis over an insect in my room. but she laid down on the floor on a blanket and told me to wake her up again if i heard it, which i did, and she caught it for me. it turned out to be an enormous horsefly. as she was walking out of my room, she turned back to me, laughed, and said, “it was almost worth you waking me up at midnight to see you scream and run away from something the size of your thumb.”

excuse me?

how is that any funnier than someone having a panic attack in an elevator? or on a plane?

i’ll tell you: it isn’t. phobias are not fun, and people who have them don’t choose to have them because they think they’ll be fun. i don’t exactly know why i’m afraid of insects or the ocean, but i am, and i can’t help it. i wish i could just crush roaches without flinching, but i can’t. and i wish my mother knew that by making me feel ridiculous about my fear, she is driving a wedge between us that i will still remember when i’m eighty or ninety or a hundred and ten.

so my message is this. if you know someone with a phobia that you find absurd, keep your ridicule to yourself. it doesn’t help anyone and it doesn’t change anything. all it does is make you look like an asshole.